User blog:Mrs Chanandler Bong/Head to Toe, So Player - The Five Best Billboard Hits of 2016
This blog is rated TV-14 for infrequent use of strong language and mild sexual references. Hello there, and welcome to Stupid Lyrics, but less stupid and more actually good songs. Today I'll be counting down the best hit songs from 2016 in my opinion. The only rule is they had to be somewhere in the Billboard Hot 100 top 40 at sometime in 2016. Yeah they're very broad rules, but it's been made pretty clear that I don't like pop music so, I guess we should just get on with the countdown. #5 When you look up in any dictionary the phrase "quilty pleasure", this will be its definition. Quilty pleasure (phrase; noun) *PUT YO' PINKY RINGS UP TO THE MOON No. 5: "24K Magic" by Bruno Mars This song is fun, it's energetic, it's just dumb fun and that's obviously what Bruno Mars was going for here. It's a brag rap song but with a funky early 90's synth/bassline that works so well with the chorus, which is just so happy, contrasting pretty much the whole of 2016's music. "I Hate U, I Love U", "Heathens", "Work", "Too Good"... even the party songs were monotonous and boring. I can't remember what this song peaked at but who cares? It's dumb fun, so have it. Head to toe, so playa Damn right you are, Bruno. Damn right. #4 Can I take a break from this little countdown just to say how much of a nonsensical bowl of word salad "Starboy" by the Weeknd is. So he starts with the typical brag rap, "side bitches" and stuff like that, but the pre-chorus is about furniture? House so empty, need a centerpiece / Twenty racks a table cut from ebony / Cut that ivory into skinny pieces / Then she clean it with her face / man I love my baby Sorry? I'm guessing he's talking about his "side bitch" here? I dunno who's cleaning what up with her face but you know, there's a funky easy-to-dance-to groove to it, so this can cover up the terrible lyrics, right? And it does... very well. No. 4: "Starboy" by The Weeknd ''feat. Daft Punk'' Weeknd needed Daft Punk. This would've been terrible but that groove, that beat... it's amazing, and I love that "ah-ha-ha" thing they had to the chorus. It's so strange and futuristic which fits with how Weeknd is saying all this nonsensical bullshit. It peaked at number one. But the chorus is just complete nonsense, which doesn't even have a correlating theme. You made me a Starboy, Goddamnit! I dunno. Look what you've done / '' I’m a motherfuckin' starboy Also Weeknd seems to think that Star Trek has some sort of correlation to girls getting naked. Star Trek ''roof in that ''Wrath of Khan / ''Girls get loose when they hear this song It's just so random and weird - I really like it. #3 Talk to me, baby* Okay, so this song was released in 2015 so it doesn't count. But it's a good happy-go-lucky song about... "cake". But do you know what song was barely released in 2016? This one. There's an infestation in my mind's imagination* The Bubbling Under and Hot Rock Songs charts count, right? No? Damn I really do not know what to put here. That green light (I want it!)* As much as I really wanted to talk about how much I like this song, it was released in March... 2017 that is. What can I say except you're welcome?* I guess Disney songs count... Where did this peak? >61 Goddamnit! Eh screw it, I knew this'd pop up somewhere. No. 3: "Me, Myself & I" by G-Eazy ''feat. Babe Rexha'' I never thought I'd have a guy called G-Eazy on my best list... ever. But this song is too damn good to be passed on. The rap verses are talking about being kinda possessed by materialism and not wanting friends anymore. It's just him and his expensive crap. Then the second verse starts talking about now he's famous, he's going out partying but he doesn't know anyone there. He only cares about himself. Yeah, G-Eazy's kind of an asshole huh? The minimalistic beat really works with this song, and kinda makes it sad, which I assume G-Eazy was trying to do. Also Babe Rexha's voice is amazing. Listen to this song. You really should. I don't need anything to get me through the night / Except me, myself and I By the way, when you do listen to this, it's not Beyoncé or De la Soul. But listen to De la Soul's song under that title as well, that's great. And if you're really stupid curious, listen to Beyoncé's. #2 Coldplay sang "I feel drunk AND high". That's not a joke.* No. 2: "Hymn for the Weekend" by Coldplay'' feat. Beyoncé'' Sadly I don't have much to say for this one eiher, but it's very uplifting, which fits with the lyrics of the song. Beyoncé is such a good fit with these kind of song and it's good to see Coldplay get out there and make some really good music because their last album before A Head Full of Dreams was very mediocre. I can't even remember its name off the spot. Life is a drink, love is a drug I really like this song's lyrics because they explain how Chris was lifted up by an angel, or basically he became really happy when he got a new girlfriend, which I really like because this year really needed some happiness. You've got couples who hate each other this year, but this is just an uplifting little love song that I really like. So... who takes the top spot? Well before that let me say that Twenty One Pilots, Chainsmokers and Rag 'n' Bone Man just barely didn't make this list. "Human" and "Heathens" were fantastic, but "Human" only made the Bubbling Under and "Heathens" was outclassed by most of the stuff on this list, and I tried to keep all of the songs here happy because let's face it, when your happy songs are by people who usually only make happy songs (and Coldplay and Sia for some reason), you've got a pretty damn sad year. #1 Once I throw on this bow chicka wow-wow / What you gonna say?* Yep. Only his girlfriend was cooler than him. But now everyone is. Seriously, if you think you and Lil' Wayne are gonna pick up girls with that pick-up line, you're way off. So, this dude, he had one hit song and some other moderately popular singles, but then he just dropped off the world. Who the hell is this guy? So he went into a club, and spent the money he got from that on shit like prostitutes and Louis Vuittons. There was a DJ at this club, and to impress this famous DJ, who became famous right after he dropped off the earth, he decided that he should do something crazy. So he Took a pill in Ibiza / To show Aviici I was cool / And when I finally got sober, felt ten years older / But fuck it - it was something to do No. 1: "I Took a Pill in Ibiza (SeeB Remix)" by Mike Posner ''feat. SeeB'' Yeah, the Norwegian dudes who remixed Shawn Mendes also remixed this song and to be honest, it's much, much better. From pretentious acoustic whining to an ironic rave song. But yeah everything I said in that introduction he says about himself. This level of self-deprecation is amazing, and I really enjoy how honest he is. Just to prove it: I'm a real big balla cos I made a million dollars / And I spend it on girls and shoes But you don't wanna be high like me / Never really knowing why like me / You don't ever wanna step off that rollercoaster and be alone I'm just a singer who already blew his shot / I get along with old-timers cos my name's a reminder / Of a pop song people forgot Every single song he had to sing at concerts the time this song was written was sad because he regretted all of it due to the reception it had. It was terrible but he made money off it, until everyone forgot he existed. All I know / Are sad songs / Sad songs Also, that beat's dope. Beh-beh-beh-beddabehbeh-buhdu-budh-budha-BUD-aaa So dope. But seriously, this is my favourite song of 2016. And that's not saying much though, this year was baaad. Thankfully, this year is already an improvement, with songs like "Hallelujah Money", "Green Light", "In the Name of Love"... Still fucking depressing though. ''''References (kinda) *"Cake by the Ocean" by DNCE *"Heavydirtysoul" by Twenty One Pilots *"Green Light" by Lorde *"You're Welcome" by Dwayne Johnson *Me a year ago *"Bow Chicka Wow Wow" by Mike Posner and Lil' Wayne Category:Blog posts